My Secret Ambition

I don't know if I've ever actually told anyone this.

I always thought it would be really cool to write a book. I have a strong and wild imagination, I think I could totally do it. I find myself day dreaming and fantasizing often. Making up stories in my head, they're short but clearly I find them interesting. Isn't that what matters? Maybe someone else will too? They're like tiny Final Destination moments except not evil, gory or gross; typically no one dies in mine. I'll people watch and create a story for them, or imagine a "what if" scenario that never happens.
I wrote a story when I was younger and when my mom read it, it made her cry. (Not going to lie, that made me feel good haha) I also wrote a Backstreet Boys fan fiction story when I was about fifteen or sixteen that I found not too long ago and became obsessed with reading. I was highly disappointed in myself when I discovered I never completed it. How did it end?! Ugh, moving on....

I keep a journal with my favorite characters names; first and last. So that I can easily open it up and go, "Oh ya! I love that name, lets use that one." I also sometimes write down my crazy, fantasizing, non-gory, Final Destination moments. I figured, if I ever have a great idea for a story I could use these little stories or moments to help perk it up a bit. Maybe that's not how it works but in my head, I will make it happen.

My grandma wrote a book. No, not something you would have read. Only my mom and I have read it. She never completed it but it was fascinating to read. It's a true story based on her life but she didn't write it as herself; as a few people. My grandma worked for Orson Welles and often had Marilyn Monroe (before she was famous) come into her office and sit down on her desk and gossip with her. They'd also go bowling together. Those stories were in her book but she doesn't use real names so only my mom and I are able to follow along and understand; since she told us the stories first hand.

Maybe, one day

Growing Up

As of about two weeks ago my daughter became a big sister, not from me, I’m happily independent. lol Her dad and his girlfriend welcomed a new little baby girl into the world. My daughter spent that first weekend after she was born with me and she seemed moody. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. One of the nights she cried telling me she didn’t get to see her dad that often when she was at his house because of the baby. I had to explain the reasoning and how she’s going to need to be patient for the next few months because that baby can’t do anything for itself. Her mood still didn’t change the rest of the weekend.

Then Monday she came home after spending a few hours with her dad and she was in the best mood. I think all she needed with quality father-daughter time. I was downstairs doing some things when I realized she was kind of quiet upstairs. I went to check on her and ask her to brush her teeth. Her reply “I did already”. Wait, what? I look over and she’s folding clothes. “Are you getting clothes ready for school tomorrow?” She gives me a big smile “yup.” Uh, Wow!

So I sit down in a chair and she comes in and goes “I want to go to bed now and I want to read a book before bed.” Wait a minute, who are you and what did you do with the grouchy seven year old who was here just yesterday? Well I didn’t argue, I went into her room and I read her not one, not two, but three stories before bed. The week before she’d been high strung and bouncing off walls and that night she was calm and almost put herself to bed. She even went to sleep without getting out of bed twenty times to ask me a question.

3am

I get woken up from my very alert and well-dressed kid. “Mommy, I’m ready for school. Can I watch TV?” I started to help her turn on the TV, not really thinking of what time it was or what day it was. Finally once I realized what was going on and was more alert that’s when I told her to go back to her bed. Apparently I need to teach her about time; or get her a clock with an alarm. Hahaha

She told me on the drive to school this morning that she wanted to make me proud and get herself ready. That she didn’t want me to worry. *heart breaks* I’m raising a sweet kid. I had to explain to her that I was always proud of her, that she’s smart and great even without waking up at 3am to get ready for school. We agreed that I’d buy her an alarm lol

Jump ahead to this week and I’ve put my iPad in her room and set the alarm for 5:30am. She’s out of bed, brushes her teeth, gets dressed and comes downstairs alert and smiling “Mommy, I’m ready. Why aren’t you ready? You’re slow.” This kid, seven going on seventeen. She amazes me all the time.

QBQ - Mood Changer

I read this book over the weekend; QBQ aka The Question Behind the Question by John G. Miller. It talks about changing the questions you ask yourself. Instead of “Why isn’t he doing his job” to something more productive. Turning it from a negative to a positive.

Earlier this week I found myself getting irritated at a client. This one specific client always makes me feel incompetent. I always find myself having to do a little extra because if I don’t I feel as though they question my every move. Well my work from the previous week wasn’t good enough and I was found being questioned again. Instead of getting upset I thought, what more could I do? May need to read this book on a weekly basis to keep my mind focused on the right questions. It’s definitely an eye opener. When you ask yourself the right questions your mood changes.

I also decided to make an inspirational board at work. I printed out uplifting quotes to add to the board. My goal is to inspire others in the process of making myself feel good; I think we all need reminders.